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Jamie Dornan is making my life difficult.

I was only peripherally aware of his existence though the Fifty Shades of Grey movie, which I had no desire to see, because I have taste. LOL. If that joke made you mad, hold that thought. The story isn't over yet.

Anyway, I recently watched the third season of the Netflix show The Fall (which I loved, flaws and all), and which stars Gillian Anderson and an Irish, bearded, sculpted, evil Jamie Dornan. This season he wasn't just evil, he was like, if you distilled evil and poured it into a hot body. Dead eyed evil. You get the idea. Let me say, it's damned unsettling to be SO VERY attracted to a hateful, conniving serial killer. What's a girl to do? As it turns out, a girl ends up going home to Winterfell watching Fifty Shades of Grey alone in her bedroom at night like it was the worst porn hahaha. Because then I could finally see Jamie naked! And horny! And the toppiest top that ever topped! And not murdering women with his bare hands! \0/ \0/

The movie was not what I expected in some ways. Putting aside all the SJW anguish about their relationship in this movie, I'll say this. It was a terrible misrepresentation of dom/sub culture (not that I'm an expert or even a partaker). Neither of them liked it, at least without a boatload of shame and disgust. So that was a surprise, as I thought he was going to draw her into the lifestyle. The movie Secretary this was not. Having said that, Mr. Grey: that was some pretty weak spanking you laid on your girlfriend there, bud. It wouldn't have even left a handprint; such a waste. My favourite scene was when he beat her with the belt and made her count the strikes, but then they made me feel like a monster for liking it, so never mind.

As for Jamie, he was painfully, laughably wooden. He was all "must...keep...my...American...accent", so didn't have time to act I guess. I know he's a good actor because I've seen it, but my lord. I found Dakota Johnson to be fresh and charming - another plot twist I didn't see coming. Having said that, the dialogue was even worse than I imagined it would be so that was pretty enjoyable. "If you were mine, I'd fuck you into next week." At least into Wednesday, maybe even Thursday if I can have a rest in between.

BUT! He was sexy and shirtless and bossy and open mouthed kissing on elevators and tying bondage ties and knuckle crawling across beds throughout, so I couldn't have been more pleased in that regard. Jamie, to me you are perfect. <3

Which is how I find myself lurking on Tumblr at present, counting down the days to Fifty Shades Darker, like an idiot. He's going to have rough sex with her on a...a pommel horse?? Truly magnificent. IDEK, but I am there. Laters, baby!


See? So hot. So evil. Don't let those doe eyes fool you.


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May 2017

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